Relevant Bollywood Information: Let's Keep This Short and Sweet

Alright folks, I think we all know what we're here to discuss in this entry. While it's not necessarily my favorite thing to talk about concerning B-wood, it's still absolutely necessary to have somewhat of an understanding about the origins of Bollywood. Still, I would like to remind you before you COMPLETELY DISMISS THIS ENTRY, HEY. HEY YOU. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CLICKING BACK ON YOUR BROWSER, YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS ENTRY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Like I was saying, I will remind you that since all of the movies that I will be critiquing, etc., are NEW movies, the info about ye olde Bollywood isn't all that relevent, so we'll stick to the important stuff. And I promise, some of this is interesting. Will I be able to cram it all in right now? Heck no. But I'm gonna try.

Some standard info. Like I've already said, Bollywood is based in Bombay, India. People will often use this title as a misnomer, in that they call all movies from India Bollywood. In reality though, Bollywood movies are just Hindi movies. Since India has many native tongues, there are many different film industries, each producing their movies in their language. The second biggest in India to Bollywood is most likely Tamil, a somewhat widely spoken language of the south. Anyway, the point is that Hindi cinema is the same as Bollywood cinema. A note about the language: reflecting the change in the times of India, (most importantly the historic British presence in the country), the Hindi spoken in the films has English woven throughout it. I'm not going to go into it now, but just so you can anticipate that: 1% of the words in the movie may be recognizable.

Ummm ok so how big is Bollywood? Well it's way bigger than you think. Quick, what is the largest film industry in the world WRONG THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY BOLLYWOOD. This is an old statistic, but there are close to 2000 Bolly films produced in Bombay a year. A year. That doesn't even include the growing art film industries. That's ridiculous, and I'm going to tell you why it's ridiculous... in another entry dealing entirely with attributes of the Bollywood genre. But here's a little taste: Almost every Bolly movie is over 3 hours in length and contains 5-7 complex songs and dances. You can do the math.

So needless to say, and no, I don't know since when, but the Hindi movie industry has far surpassed the Hollywood industry that it was named after. Yes, Bollywood movies only cost a fraction to make and make only a fraction of the average Hollywood profit, but they are: 1. more globally viewed than movies from Hollywood and 2. there are just simply...more being made than in Hollywood.

So how about some of the Bollywood money-makers? This industry is uber big on product placement, moreso even than in America. Also, in America, film actors will rarely do alternate advertising within America, (though it is a known fact many of them will go to other countries to have there faces plastered on billboards). In India? There is no shame in being the spokesperson for as many companies and having as many enterprises as possible. Let's take one actor, who will remain nameless for now. The man is making on average 4 blockbuster movies a year, as well as advertising for tagheuer, airtel, various car companies, soda companies, etc. The man's networth in indescribable. He is also the host of two major Indian gameshows, the Hindi equivalents of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? And you think you're busy. Did I mention he has two kids and a wife?

So it should be clear that one of the key elements of Bollywood success is as much as you can as fast as you can. These movies are low-budget, yes, but even a low-budget film can be successful (keep in mind that movies are just simply cheaper to make in India). The real downfall is the crunch, the need to be getting out so many movies. So where does this take its toll in the process of movie production? Obviously the writing. I cannot stand someone who dismisses hindi movies for their lack of originality and generally trite plotlines, because THEY CAN'T HELP IT. In fact, what is most common is there is time nor money for a writer, so American scripts will be unofficially adapted and not given any credit. Ever see Mickey Blue Eyes? Yeah, in India it was the 2007 Christmas hit Welcome. How about Hitch? Indians saw it too, but it was a Bollywood flick called Partner. Is this totally illegal? Not until Americans wake up. There is a giant list of American movies and their Indian twins on Wikipedia. I'll give you a link sometime.

The biggest problem the industry faces in copyright infringement (sound familiar, America?). Because of the difficulty to distribute to the entire country, especially in the south (It is actually illegal to distribute or release any Indian films in Pakistan due to the tensions over the state of Kashmir), the only way that many of these movies can reach the people is through bootleg copies. There are currently many campaigns to somehow hault cinema piracy, but like everything else in India, it's impossible to control.

ALRIGHT ALREADY STOP CRYING IT'S OVER. I will periodically enhance any criticisms I have for movies with some more B-Wood factoids. But I will never ever ever do this again. Seriously. Stop crying.