Bollywood Gossip ishtyle.

Alright, so I will most likely post another review tomorrow, but for now I'm just going to go over some other things. I decided to check my favorite Bollywood gossip sites to see what I've missed out on since I left India, and boy, HAVE I MISSED OUT.










1) Very exciting news for me and anyone else who gives a crap: Deepika Padukone, of recent Om Shanti Om fame, will be leading the India Day Parade in New York City this August, which was led last year by Priyanka Chopra. I've never been to one before, but they look like a lot of fun...I hope it's a bit more than a parade like vendors and stuff. It'd be nice to get something cool out of it, besides a memory card filled with pictures of Deepika. Either way, I'm uber excited... I had a short fantasy today that I get to meet her and get an autograph for Gloria, my sister. I was kiiiind of a hero.











2) So this is pretty big, and I'm SORRY that I'm just so LAME and OUT OF THE LOOP, but WTF SAIF ALI KHAN AND KAREENA KAPOOR ARE DATING? OK, so I've since put it together that this romance must've sprouted from working side-by-side during the shooting of Tashan, but seriously. Saifeena. That is a ridiculous match-up. Anywho, the article that I read this morning reported that it seems the duo have already hit a rocky patch: Whilst attending the IIFA (? the heck awards are those) Awards, Khan did not stay to see his sweetheart's on-stage performance, and Kapoor apparently didn't mention a thing about Khan during the entire show, although the couple arrived together. Khan had reportedly had Kapoor's outfit picked out for her after she had already picked something more scandalous, but as Khan wished, Kapoor arrived in a traditional sari. I hope she dies, that is such a dumb coupling. OK I DON'T REALLY HOPE SHE DIES, she was good in Jab We Met.







3) Salman Khan decides to appease his aging parents, and settle down by finding a bride. If you ask me, that won't be as easy as that meathead seems to think it will be. Like he's doing some service to the world! Come on, Khan.







4) Aiswharya Rai is rumored to be set to play Benazir Bhutto in a biopic about the controversial Pakistani politician. However I think this is totally a rumor. Still, if it does materialize, the film will be written by the same guy who did Johnny Gaddaar, so who knows.







5) Akshay is planning on returning to action movies after a 2-3 year stint doing comedies primarily. I hope he changes his mind- that boy is funnier than anything I've seen. I absolutely adore his dumb, sweet nature. Namastey London couldn't have been anything without him. I guess he's sort of already begun the return with his role in Tashan, however I heard about a month ago that he will be doing a movie with Deepika Padukone (love them separate, but together?) to be released next year? Hope it's good.

That's all. I would like to say that I purchased Paheli today, a film that I know nothing about besides the fact that it features Shahrukh Khan, Rani Mukherji AND Amitabh Bacchan...excited much? I also bought Tashan, which I already know is really, really bad (as reported by every Bollywood review site and all my friends from India), but I NEED to see it. Finally, I purchased a legit original release copy of Om Shanti Om, because it's just too good to not have the real thing.

Expect a review soon, dearie.

Death to Tashan/Me, and a Brief Message About Bollywood's Piracy Problem

ATTN: This entry is about a month old, as I took a break from the blog and Bollywood in general, and this was saved as a draft but never posted. Today I finished it, and I plan to continue Bollywooding and blogging on a regular basis. Enjoy, -JK

So.

I went to go see Tashan last Friday. I can't exactly tell you how excited I was...the movie has everything I love, especially Akshay Kumar. It looked so badass I just...ok, well really I can't describe how badly I wanted, NEEDED, to see this movie. I saw a trailor for it when I left India...I wished I could stay for just a few more months, so I could have the experience in the theatre. The film, which was directed by the same genius behind the DHOOM series, was hyped up for MONTHS in advance, mostly through the slow trickle-release of singles from the soundtrack, and trailors that gave very little away (other than shots of explosions, gun blasts, and lots of leggy actresses). Low and behold, Buckland Hills shows Bolly films like two nights a week, and they're all usually really new films, like still-playing-in-India-new.

Tashan was playing last week. And I missed it.

I was already running late and it was pouring rain. I was driving my mom's car so I couldn't be a total maniac, but I was still something close to that. We ran through the parking lot, my sister and I, and get to the counter. I look up at the board with all the show times...Made of Honor...What Happens in Vegas...Baby Mama...where was Tashan? We asked the kid (he just happened to be Indian) at the counter why Tashan wasn't on the board. This kid gave us a smirk, and said that it ended last night. I drove all that way, I was soaked in the rain, but none of that mattered...all day at work I had been thinking, "Yes! This is it, I am finally going to see what will undoubtedly be either the second or third biggest cinematic hit of the year in India!" I just wanted to see the movie. It crossed my mind that perhaps I could persuade the skinny teen to show it on the sly...surely there was one theatre that was open. And why wouldn't he say yes? From one Hindustani to another!

That night, with my head hung low and my eyes still damp with tears, I paid for two tickets to see Baby Mama. I hate Tina Fey. Not because I didn't get to see Tashan. I just don't like her.

Will I get to see Tashan? Of course. Like more than half of my collection, I will buy it from Cosmos Intl, the Indian and Pakistani (but mostly Indian) goods store in West Hartford. They get the movies pretty much the week that they come out in theatres in India. "My, I knew that India was crazy about movies Jesse, but they sell and distribute them INTERNATIONALLY the same week they are released?!" No.

Bollywood's biggest problem is distribution. Yes, it is currently the largest film industry in the world, but let me tell you something-- it hardly makes a cent on film distribution sales. Here's a few reasons why:

1) It's still not really that common in India to be able to purchase movies for watching...just like in "Amrika", a long time ago movies were only available to be viewed in theatres, so you'd better get in quick. Those were the days when a movie would show for a number of weeks, that way everyone would get a chance to see it at least once. Our culture now is one that now knows, "Yeah, of course I'd love to see that movie, but for a few more dollars I can buy it in three months and watch it whenever I want." This mindset came about when we started readily developing and supplying at-home movie viewing devices, like VHS and DVD players. India is still kind of on the cusp of this change, so the cumpulsion to see a film while it lasts in theatres still exists. Wealthier families do own DVD players, but they're like the smallest fraction of the population. THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE is that companies like Eros and Dharma Productions aren't making money selling legit copies of their film catalogue because no one has a way to watch them.

"But Jesse, how can you make the argument that people in villages don't buy copies of these films because they have no way of viewing them? Surely they don't have theatres either...how does this lack of availability in rural areas hurt only distribution sales and not film release sales?"

NO. God. No. India film companies know that they're like almighty. Everyone loves seeing movies, so if they can make money off a sure thing, they'll make money by making sure EVERYONE gets to watch (and pay for a ticket) the movie. Many villages that have little governments set up will collect money and pay to have traveling movie projectors visit their town and play a film. They come, set up a screen, play a movie or two and then peace. Most people, even in villages, are able to see new releases, and so they do. These traveling projectors also sometimes show older films too. By ensuring that no matter where you are, you will be able to see their movie when it comes out, the film companies are winning. But the same can't be said for a DVD player.

2) India is rife with film piracy. To purchase a legit film can cost anywhere between 75-350 Rps., depending on the film, the store, and the date of release. Kal Ho Naa Ho is one of the most popular Bollywood movies of all time, but I got it for 76 rupees, since it was released years ago and it was on sale. Film sellers in India do the same thing that they do here in the U.S. But lets say I wanted to purchase a newer film, perhaps Heyy Babyy...This could cost me around 310 Rps, if it was on sale. Why would I spend that kind of coin when I can go to the guy on the corner with the fakes and buy 5 new releases for only a fraction of that cost? Well I'll tell you, I wouldn't.

Well I would, and I did, actually, because I can afford to. But most people can't, and many pirated copies aren't shot that poorly. As long as you can speak Hindi, then they're much better, if you can't afford the real copies. But here's the thing: I can't speak Hindi well enough to understand a Bollywood heist movie-- I just can't. I need a real translator to have written really good subtitles. However, the pirated copies have the most godawful subtitles in the universe of the world. I can't even give you and example, I've blocked them all from my memory. Still, most of my collection are pirated copies. The little store that I get my movies from has two kinds of copies:

-If you want the movie the week of its release in India, then you can get it for $2, but it will be pirated.

-If you can wait until the real release, then the store will buy one copy and make a billion copies to sell for $3. The plus? Real, company-written subtitles. The downside? Everyone saw this movie 3 months ago.

Now I'm a Bollywood freak, as you know. When I missed out on Tashan in the theatre, I knew that the store already had a pirated copy available for the last two weeks. BUT I WANTED THOSE SUBTITLES. There is a constant war going on in my Bolly heart-- Do I wait months to see the movie for what it is with the real subtitles? Or does my carnivorous core drive an hour to West Hartford to buy the worst translation job ever known to film? Usually the second wins. But with Tashan, I will tell you...I am not even allowing myself to go to Cosmos Intl until I know they have a legit copy. Not even if I'm out of cumin seeds.

The conclusion. India is developing at time-warping speed these days. I'm in no way saying that between the dirt firepit and the all purpose blade with a village home be placing a DVD player, but I think that the film distribution branches of companies like Eros will start being a bit inventive to get more money. I don't know what they're going to do, but I do know one thing: they look at America, and see that our film sales are almost equal with box office sales. Now that's a market.


Post Script:

Tashan turned out to be a major flop. It was hated by critics and audiences alike. I'm glad I saved my seven bucks, and now I can wait in my yearniest heart of hearts for the real release with REAL SUBTITLES.

Attributes and Traits of Bollywood Acting and Film

Though I have already prepared to write my review for Dhoom 2: Back in Action (gotta get these standards out of the way. Still it seems a bit trite to even consider writing about Kal Ho Naa Ho), I think it would be a much better idea to introduce the main characteristics of Bollywood movies, before we get ahead of ourselves with films. Why will I again make you read something that isn't a review? It is important to keep in mind when watching and critiquing "bollies" that they need to be judged on a completely different set of standards. There are some things in Bollywood that are considered of high value-- traits that may be worthless in other film genres, such as being able to sucessfully kiss a girls neck and not make it look like it's the millionth time doing it in your 10-year career. So let's go over some.

Before we get into the aspects of acting, lets go over plot stuff first:

- ALWAYS add some twist. There has got to be a twist or it's not Bolly, that is like the BIG thing. I mean, maybe I have watched one where there wasn't a twist, but let's get serious folks. What would Kuch Kuch Hota Hai be if Kajol was still in love with Shahrukh Khan? What would Race (as godawful as it was) be if...ok, I can't even begin to count the twists in this movie.

A NOTE ON RACE

I would seriously advise you to not watch this movie until you're somewhat versed in the genre, or else your head just might explode. There are something like 20-30 major plot twists, which can be handled, though with some difficulty, by a more seasoned bollywood afficionado, but I would leave it up to those folks. I saw this gem in a theatre, and I seriously pissed my pants. No joke, the attendant guy had to clean it and everything.

Well not really, but seriously, Race was ridiculous. And DON'T STOP READING, I'M COMING BACK TO MY POINT, as insane as the plot might have seemed, it was a PERFECT Bollywood story, and followed all the main attributes to a T. That's the thing about Bollywood-- the movies can be unbelievably farfetched and ludicrous, but...that's kind of the point.

-There obviously should be music and dance. I've only seen one movie that didn't have dance and song, which featured the 2008 Filmfare Best Actor award winner, Shahrukh Khan-- Chak De! India. However, even this movie had music, and the title track was a big radio hit in 2007. So does that mean there are no serious movies? Heck no. Taare Zameen Par, last year's Filmfare Best Movie award winner, was a story about a little boy with autism who is helped by a sensitive teacher. There wasn't even a love story. I guess there wasn't really too much dance either, but two of the songs went on to get a good deal of radio time. There is a growing art house film industry, and these movies for the most part do not feature music and choreography, but that's not BOLLYWOOD. Another thing about these dance sequences--if it's a club scene or a scene with more people than just the hero and the heroine, then the back up dancers will usually not be Indian. If the scene is kind of sexy, then the girls will all be white specifically. See the title track of Heyy Babyy and "Dard-E-Disco".

-Most of the time there will be a love story, even if it's not the main plot of the movie. If you're lucky, a good B-wood will have 2 or 3, usually involving the plot's twists. This is not a Bollywood must, but it certainly adds to the other musts-- how great is a choreographed love song? Or a love triangle? The love triangle is a standard bollywood plot trait, and these days is a bit trite, but it still sells. The two major forms are:

1) Two parties in love with the third party is secretly in love with one of the first two

2) One party is in love with the second party, who is in love with a third party

The first form is usually found in stories about a married couple and then a new character or a friend from the past comes into the story. The second form is very common is stories about friends who develop a love throughout the story.

-Just as important as this plot point is for the overall genre effect, is the outcome of the love story. A major difference between Bollywood and other genres, is that in a bollywood plot, the couple that are "meant to be" rarely wind up with eachother, and the already married or arranged to be married couple usually stay together. You will see this in Devdas and Kal Ho Naa Ho. I think this attribute is reflective of the overall emphasis that Indian society puts on marriage, and the preservation of marriage. Not just anyone can get married, not even if they've been best friends all their lives or are crazy about eachother. The stars determine who should marry. There are of course exceptions to this rule, where the "meant to be" duo get together and the third party is out of luck. I am thinking of Kabhi Alvidaa Naa Kehna and Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham. But then of course there is Namastey, London, where both plots occur, thus involving the necessary plot twist.

-So that all being said, it should be clear that unlike American movies especially, we don't see in Bollywood that justice is always served. Sometimes the wrong guy will get killed, and he will be a hero; sometimes we see the right guy get killed, but the hero's girlfriend is also killed or something. So overall, I think it's safe to say that most endings try to preserve some bittersweetness. Even if you do get the fairytale ending that you wanted from the beginning of the story, it will usually come with some sacrifices, like an estranged family or something. That is usually consistent through most movies.

I guess that's most of the consistencies of Bollywood plot. The plots aren't always the same, but there are of course certain stock characters.

Uday Chopra

"The Bumbling Lackey"- Dhoom 2: Back in Action (Uday Chopra), Welcome (Anil Kapoor), Heyy Babyy (Ritesh Deshmukh)

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

"The Virtuous Heroine"- Om Shanti Om (Deepika Padukone), Welcome (Katarina Kaif), Devdas (Aishwarya Rai Bachchan)

Kareena Kapoor

"The Offbeat Heroine"- Jab We Met (Kareena Kapoor), Bunty aur Babli (Rani Mukherjee), Sunday (Ayesha Takia)

Shahrukh Khan

"The Sensitive Hero"- Kal Ho Naa Ho (Shakrukh Khan), Jab We Met (Shahid Kapoor), Namastey London (Akshay Kumar)

Hrithik Roshan

"The Badass"- Dhoom 2 Back in Action (Hrithik Roshan), Don (Shahrukh Khan), Race (Saif Ali Khan)

Amitabh Bachchan

"The Hardass"- Mohabbatein (Amitabh Bachchan), Chak De! India (Shakrukh Khan), Kal Ho Naa Ho (Sushma Seth)

There are of course more stock characters, but these are the big ones pertaining to this genre.

As far as attributes of Bollywood acting go, they kind of go along with the stock character being played (the virtuous heroine would shudder when a man touches her while the offbeat heroine would smile or laugh). However for the most part the best male Bollywood performances I've seen are ones that find a perfect balance between unbearably corny and corny enough that it still qualifies for Bollywood. Shahrukh Khan is the master of this skill and that's one of the reasons why he's so damn famous (the other reason is because he is wicked good at kissing necks...since mouth kissing is not allowed in Bollywood film, and the actresses who do so are usually criticized, SRK, who has starred in a billion movies, has become somewhat of an expert on how to make a scene really steamy or romantic, but not involve any making out). Other actors are just not good at looking super vengeful when the camera zooms in, or good at falling into an embrace while crying in the rain-- I'm thinking Abhishekh Bachchan and Hritik Roshan. Someone who I found is WICKED good at this and is not really getting enough credit is Shahid Kapoor of Jab We Met. His staid nature is extremely refreshing with all the one-teared, giant-bicep-toting heroes of today's Bollywood that star in every movie, but his dedication to find a girl that he'd only known for a DAY kept me grounded to the fact that I was still watching a hindi movie.

There is a problem that I have with Bollywood and that is that none of the girls are good. Seriously, there are very, very few decent Bollywood actresses. Aishwarya gets by on her looks; Katarina Kaif can't dance if her life depended on it and can't even speak hindi; and these girls do not do any justice to women in film. The attitudes that they bring to their characters are ones that say "I'm so weak that you might as well just kill/rape/marry me without my consent". These girls don't bring any strength into their characters. Everything Aishwarya has done is a girl that deserves to be slapped back to conciousness; Kareena Kapoor seems to think that everyone knows that women are only good at being sluts so that's the kind of attitude her characters have (EXCEPTING JAB WE MET, SHE WAS REALLY GOOD IN THAT).

The only two women that I think are good at what they do are Kajol and Rani Mukherjee. Kajol was one of the big female players in the 90's, and she was the Julia Roberts to Shahrukh Khan's Richard Gere-- they did everything together. Directors soon realized after a few of their films that the audience LOVED their on-screen chemistry and they were soon slated to make like a billion movies together. Kajol was an ace at playing a sensitive woman, but one who still kept her dignity and never let her life get away from her. She was respectful, but she was able to do what she wanted because it was the right thing. I love Kajol. She was beautiful too. Unfortunately, she got married and stopped making movies as all Bollywood actresses do. That is why there's no good actresses-- none of them are able to act for long enough to get good, because they get married when they just start. The other actress I mentioned is Rani Mukherjee. In no way is she a Kajol, but she holds her own, and the strength and quirkiness she brings to her characters makes them look like they're actually worth something, and not some object for the plot to toss around.

Want to know what the real attributes are? Watch a movie already, you'll pick it up after 3 or 4 of them and then you'll never be able to watch a western movie again. The lack of constant heart-wrenching twists, silent, caught-in-the-rain moments, and testosterone driven dance sequences will make you really value the spirit of Bollywood.

Om Shanti Om...Shanti Shanti Om.

SO let's forget about Devdas for a moment, I have since fallen out of the mood I was in to write about it in the first place. Let's focus on....Om Shanti Om.

Quick info: Released in October 2007, and was the biggest hit of the year in India and one of the biggest hits abroad. Starring Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone, this movie was...well, kind of perfect.

The setting is Bombay in the mid 70's. There is a blossoming film industry in the city...think Hollywood in the 30's. Giant sets, big cars, perfect hair, and of course, the dream of fame realized. Like the greats of our own Tinsel Town, there were also some big names being made during that time in budding Bollywood. In the story, one such actress, Shantipriya (Padukone), is also the star of Om Prakash's (Shahrukh Khan) affection. Om, an aspiring hero who works as an extra on the movie sets with his best pal Pappu (Shreyas Talpade), falls in love with the starlet while working with her. Overtime, their love is realized, but only to be shattered with the truth that Shantipriya is already secretly married and pregnant with Mukesh Mehra (Arjun Rampal), the producer of her next big film, Om Shanti Om. And even more MIND BOGGLING, before the introduction Mukesh murders Shanti by locking her in the burning movie set whilst our hero Om attempts to save her, but is hit by a car and killed.

When I first saw this movie I was in a crowded theatre full of crazy Indian boys and it was wayyy past my curfew. In India, it is common and even accepted that people will constantly be shouting at the screen, whistling at the screen, and even throwing things at the villain when he appears. While it's true that in the film, Shanti's first appearance is over dramaticized (surprise), she is TRULY breathtaking. I'm serious. She is the most beautiful girl I ever hope to see, for fear of maybe a stroke or seizure or something to that effect. Even I gave Shanti my little whistle when she stands up out of her fancy escort limo in slow motion. Aahhh.

Anyways, the plot completely turns in a way that you could never expect. How do I know this? How can I prove it? Because even after I watched this movie, I still didn't understand the twist. Granted the movie was in hindi and without subtitles, but you'd think if a plot line is going where you think it's going, you can watch it and still understand what's happening. WRONG.



SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER

Ok, so if you haven't already seen the movie, go away. Really, go on now. Read some old entries or something.




So, for those who've seen the film, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT. He's REINCARNATED?!?! SHE'S REINCARNATED??!?! Oh dang, I sooo did not see that coming. When I initially saw OSO, I thought that the new Shahrukh and Deepika characters were the CHILDREN of Om and Shanti. "But Jesse, didn't she die in a fire--"HEY. Hey. I never said I could explain it, I'm just saying that's what I thought. But yes, Om Prakash is reincarnated as Om Kapoor (nicknamed OK), the fictional biggest Bollywood star in India today, and Shantipriya is reincarnated as a struggling actress, Sandy. Confused? Just wait.

The rest of the story then turns into a Bollywood star orgy fest with the appearance of just about every big player during the song "Deewangi Deewangi", which is set as a movie awards show afterparty. What happened after that? Ohhh yes, MUKESH comes back into the picture when he decides to work with OK in a remake of the 70's film Om Shanti Om. OK realizes that he is actually OM, as in he remembers his past life and the terrible things that were done to his love, and how he failed to save her. Therefore, the second half of the film is a revenge story: Om teams back up with his best bud Pappu as well as his own mother who is now in old age to find the reincarnation of Shanti (Sandy) and then plot to do something crazy and awful to Mukesh. All of this takes place on the original set of the movie Om Shanti Om, the one on which Shanti was killed. The movie climaxes with Mukesh being killed and then the gang realizes that it wasn't their little plot that worked to kill Mukesh, but it was in fact THE GHOST OF SHANTI. "WAIT JESSE SO THERE IS A GHOST AND A REINCARNATION--" HECK YES THERE IS. And the ghost helped the group get their revenge.

So what of OK and Sandy? Do they fall in love? Heck no. I don't know why, I thought that was the whole point of the movie.

So what did I think of this little film?

A+, absolutely fantastic. There are a gillion reasons, but I'll give you just a few.

1. The music. It's so good, there isn't a single bad track in the whole movie. Of course we have our two soft love ballads, "Ajab Si" and "Main Agar Kahoon". "Jag Soona Soona Lage" is a song of desperation featuring a much more classical sound, whereas "Dastaan-E-Om Shanti Om" is reminiscent of the rock-operatic stylings of Phantom of the Opera. "Deewangi Deewangi" and one of biggest chart toppers of the year, "Dard-E-Disco" were made to be huge hits. What song steals the show? As a movie set in the 70's, I'm glad that director Farah Khan agreed it fitting to contain music with a flavor of that time, as is heard in the song "Dhoom Taana", which is a song within a movie within the movie. This number takes you right back to the way B-wood songs sounded back in the day, and it does a damn good job of it too. Bollywood movies are expected to have 5-7 songs per film, and as a result, the songs are often written horribly. I'm not sure how long Om Shanti Om was in the making, but I'd go out on a limb to say quite a while. The finished product reflects lots of hard work.

2. The general writing. In no way that I can tell is OSO some rip off of an American or otherwise plot. Is it farfetched? Of course, but as I've said before this can be excused given one of the main attributes of Bollywood film-making is a ridiculous plot line. Was it followable? Sure, if you speak Hindi. The above-mentioned misunderstanding is my fault. But it followed classic Bollywood style dialogue, from ever-lasting-love-soaked clinchers to hilarious (corny) banter.

Hero: Really, you're too much baby, you took too long. By the way, what are you doing after pack-up?
Shanti:.....Suicide (walks away)
Hero: (rubbing his heart) I am also ready to die.

3. Costuming. God was it good. The sets and costume design will be a constant reminder for you as to how much money this movie must have really cost. The fake Shanti billboards, the red carpet appearances, the Bollywood sets, and Om's home were all set in the 70's, and therefore had to reflect the trends of the time. The second half of the movie takes place in today, and therefore requires completely different sets. On a similar note, extra big ups to the movie for incorporating scenes from old Bollywood movies and piecing them in throughout the movie, as well as greenscreening Shanti into one of the scenes. That's no big apples for us American folk, but it's somewhat groundbreaking over there. Obviously the same goes for costuming, and I'd say from the classic B-Wood movies I've seen, this movie was spot on with making Shantipriya look like a young starlet from Bombay 30 years ago and making Om look like a cheesy, leisure-suit-wearing extra.

4. The cast. I'm not going to say much about Shahrukh Khan's performance, nor will I give credit where it isn't due. I can't say this is his best, but that isn't to say it wasn't good. The man has won 8 Filmfare awards for best actor. He's got a bit to work up to. Either way, he's a genius as far as perfect execution of a bollywood hero role goes, and he did pretty well. Deepika Padukone, however, is a brand new star, making her debut in this very movie. Also, she is not an actor by trade; she is a young model with a famous father. One thing that I hate most about Bollywood movies is the lack of female talent. I'm a fan of Kajola and sometimes Rani Mukherjee, but that's about it. I thought Deepika was exceptional in her role of the angelic but secretly troubled Shantipriya. She was especially brilliant during the "Dhoom Taana" number in which she perfectly captured the expression and movement of a female role in a 70's B-wood film. I read that she is teaming up with AKSHAY KUMAR for a movie in 2009, and I can't tell you how high my expectations are.

That's all I have to say about OSO. It is probably my second favorite Bollywood movie of all time, and it is always my suggestion for a first-time hindi film viewer. Still not interested?


Did I mention the tagline is:

He was a junior artist. She was a star. For some dreams, one lifetime is not enough.

There ya go.

Relevant Bollywood Information: Let's Keep This Short and Sweet

Alright folks, I think we all know what we're here to discuss in this entry. While it's not necessarily my favorite thing to talk about concerning B-wood, it's still absolutely necessary to have somewhat of an understanding about the origins of Bollywood. Still, I would like to remind you before you COMPLETELY DISMISS THIS ENTRY, HEY. HEY YOU. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CLICKING BACK ON YOUR BROWSER, YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS ENTRY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Like I was saying, I will remind you that since all of the movies that I will be critiquing, etc., are NEW movies, the info about ye olde Bollywood isn't all that relevent, so we'll stick to the important stuff. And I promise, some of this is interesting. Will I be able to cram it all in right now? Heck no. But I'm gonna try.

Some standard info. Like I've already said, Bollywood is based in Bombay, India. People will often use this title as a misnomer, in that they call all movies from India Bollywood. In reality though, Bollywood movies are just Hindi movies. Since India has many native tongues, there are many different film industries, each producing their movies in their language. The second biggest in India to Bollywood is most likely Tamil, a somewhat widely spoken language of the south. Anyway, the point is that Hindi cinema is the same as Bollywood cinema. A note about the language: reflecting the change in the times of India, (most importantly the historic British presence in the country), the Hindi spoken in the films has English woven throughout it. I'm not going to go into it now, but just so you can anticipate that: 1% of the words in the movie may be recognizable.

Ummm ok so how big is Bollywood? Well it's way bigger than you think. Quick, what is the largest film industry in the world WRONG THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY BOLLYWOOD. This is an old statistic, but there are close to 2000 Bolly films produced in Bombay a year. A year. That doesn't even include the growing art film industries. That's ridiculous, and I'm going to tell you why it's ridiculous... in another entry dealing entirely with attributes of the Bollywood genre. But here's a little taste: Almost every Bolly movie is over 3 hours in length and contains 5-7 complex songs and dances. You can do the math.

So needless to say, and no, I don't know since when, but the Hindi movie industry has far surpassed the Hollywood industry that it was named after. Yes, Bollywood movies only cost a fraction to make and make only a fraction of the average Hollywood profit, but they are: 1. more globally viewed than movies from Hollywood and 2. there are just simply...more being made than in Hollywood.

So how about some of the Bollywood money-makers? This industry is uber big on product placement, moreso even than in America. Also, in America, film actors will rarely do alternate advertising within America, (though it is a known fact many of them will go to other countries to have there faces plastered on billboards). In India? There is no shame in being the spokesperson for as many companies and having as many enterprises as possible. Let's take one actor, who will remain nameless for now. The man is making on average 4 blockbuster movies a year, as well as advertising for tagheuer, airtel, various car companies, soda companies, etc. The man's networth in indescribable. He is also the host of two major Indian gameshows, the Hindi equivalents of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? And you think you're busy. Did I mention he has two kids and a wife?

So it should be clear that one of the key elements of Bollywood success is as much as you can as fast as you can. These movies are low-budget, yes, but even a low-budget film can be successful (keep in mind that movies are just simply cheaper to make in India). The real downfall is the crunch, the need to be getting out so many movies. So where does this take its toll in the process of movie production? Obviously the writing. I cannot stand someone who dismisses hindi movies for their lack of originality and generally trite plotlines, because THEY CAN'T HELP IT. In fact, what is most common is there is time nor money for a writer, so American scripts will be unofficially adapted and not given any credit. Ever see Mickey Blue Eyes? Yeah, in India it was the 2007 Christmas hit Welcome. How about Hitch? Indians saw it too, but it was a Bollywood flick called Partner. Is this totally illegal? Not until Americans wake up. There is a giant list of American movies and their Indian twins on Wikipedia. I'll give you a link sometime.

The biggest problem the industry faces in copyright infringement (sound familiar, America?). Because of the difficulty to distribute to the entire country, especially in the south (It is actually illegal to distribute or release any Indian films in Pakistan due to the tensions over the state of Kashmir), the only way that many of these movies can reach the people is through bootleg copies. There are currently many campaigns to somehow hault cinema piracy, but like everything else in India, it's impossible to control.

ALRIGHT ALREADY STOP CRYING IT'S OVER. I will periodically enhance any criticisms I have for movies with some more B-Wood factoids. But I will never ever ever do this again. Seriously. Stop crying.

Devdas, etc.

Considering this is my first entry for this blog, I figure I should try and explain myself. And considering it's not my first time having to explain myself, this should be somewhat easy. I've realized that, short notes which lack the formality of a real email aside, Facebook is more or less useless to me. I never really quite understand it. For someone like me, it doesn't really serve the purpose or offer the freedom that an online medium of today should: that is to say, there is too much noise for me to listen to, and not enough of me making noise for others to listen to. And, entry comments aside, a blog is the perfect way for me to sit back and make more and more noise for you to listen to, without having to listen to any of your noise in return. Though, since this blog is dedicated to a subject that I am very, very much interested in, any sort of remarks or criticisms are more than welcome.

With that crap out of the way, let's get down to the blog itself. Obviously the title gives some indication as to the topics to be covered: Bollywood topics, that is. As a serious fan of all things Bollywood, and a collector of Bolly films, I thought that it would be useful for me to, instead of just trying to talk about this fanaticism with everyone individually, just put it all in one place where one can access it and read as they wish and say what they want without the threat of impending violence that could be the result of an in-person disagreement. That is also to suggest that yes, I'm extremely passionate about this genre and all that goes along with it, and will defend my views to any end necessary. So...I'm really just writing all of these thoughts in a blog for your safety.

No more disclaimers, I promise. Well maybe some tomorrow. I think it would be best to give a little background on the genre and the industry itself in order to really appreciate the productions that are made. But for those of you who are into the third paragraph of this now and still are scratching your head with the question, "Bollywood? Does she just keep mispelling Hollywood?", let me put your confusion to rest.

Bollywood is not a place. It is a nickname given to the Hindi movie industry in India, which is mainly located in Bombay...some Einstein out there thought, given the success of the industry, and the fact that Bombay begins with b, that naturally this genre should be christened with the name "Bollywood". Don't shoot the messenger, I didn't think it up.

SOOooooOOOooo what are Bollywood movies? Is there anything that really makes them stand apart from other movies BESIDES the fact that they are all produced in the city of Bombay? Of course, idiot, why else would I dedicate a whole blog to them? Like I have said and will say again and again until you get it into your brain, Bollywood is a genre not like "Hollywood", but in the same way that "Romantic Comedy" and "Suspense/Horror" are genres. They have a flavor. Certainly one can (hopefully) distinguish the differences between When Harry Met Sally and Halloween. By the time you've been reading this and viewing movies for a while, you also will be able to distinguish in the same way differences between Bollywood movies and...well, anything else.

I realized that I titled this entry "Devdas, etc" with the intention of going somewhat into the film Devdas, however I'm already pretty much done talking to you for now, and Devdas deserves more analysis than a two-sentence-add-on-at-the-end-of-this-entry can provide.

I hope that this intro has given you some interest in reading future entries. I have a vast and still growing collection of movies, and ususally get these pirated copies the very week they are released in Indian theatres. My collection ranges from old (nothing predating 1995, lets say, but still, this is Bollywood, folks) to the newest of the new. Also, the cinema in Manchester, CT has begun showing one Bolly film every week. This week was U, Me, Aur Hum. I would have gone to see it but...I had already illegally purchased it. Until next time!